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Where I’m struggling especially with this idea is that as much as I am genuinely turned on by my husband, I still find myself developing crushes/admiring other men. We’ve also talked about our fears and reservations about actually following through with such an arrangement, so for now this fantasy is fulfilled by simply talking about it (what would turn us on, what I would do, what I’d want the guy to do to me, etc.). He says this would be a huge turn-on, and I am certainly turned on by the prospect. One of the things we’ve discussed semi-seriously is my husband watching while I have sex with another man. This has led to us trying things for the first time that were unspoken desires in past relationships, and just generally having a lot of fun together in bed. We are very open with sharing our desires and fantasies, and we communicate really well about our sex life. I had an intense crush on my husband for a long time before we hooked up, and he still gives me butterflies on a regular basis.
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We have a toddler and a fantastic sex life-better even than pre-parenthood.
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I am in my mid-30s and happily married to my husband for five years.
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Send your questions for Stoya and Rich to How to Do It, How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column.